Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She announced her abortion via fbk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
