mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have tasted many bathrooms
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize