Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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