This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
