I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
