He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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