please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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