If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
