Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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