If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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