this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
