Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
