tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
