You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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