I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
