A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
