i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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