I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
