I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
