Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
