he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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