Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
