No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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