You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
