this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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