after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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