paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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