Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
