wake up i wanna do it froggy style
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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