So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
