Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
