its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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