Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
