Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
