I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
