Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
