I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
