How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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