Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
