Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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