I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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