she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
