i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
