I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
