she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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