I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
