Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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