Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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