I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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