walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
