He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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