I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
