guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
