Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize