Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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