just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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