I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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