She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
