Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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