Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
