Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My balls are so social today.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
