I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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