Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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