my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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