My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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