You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
