i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
