New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
