we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
